Selina starkillr's notes on:

How Comparative Mindsets Keep Us Stuck

Have you ever gotten an idea for an act or performance, only to stop yourself because you “don’t have a good enough costume”?

Or maybe you’ve seen others bravely baring it all in burlesque and thought, “Oh, I could never do that.” Is this something that you’ve felt before? know I have.

Especially in today’s world of constant social media content made to show off excess, get people to shop and buy products, and all the good without any of the other feels we have on a daily basis.

When did I became aware of my own Comparative Mindset?

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After I had been in burlesque for a few months, I found myself starting to lust over the iconic Catherine D’Lish dressing gowns and robes. You know the ones, they’re often called “d3ad husband” robes because of their rich, voluminous fabrics, and general extravagance. They are often made of insane amounts of silk and beautiful chosen feathers, with skirts that flare out to a full circle when you spin. Gorgeous of course! And often seen on the best burlesquers in the world. Who wouldn’t want one right? And because I kept seeing allllll the burlesque people I looked up to in them, I started thinking… “I won’t be good like them until I have that to play with and look amazing in.”

So how did I combat this and all the nasty feelings that came with it?

I started focusing on gratitude for the things I already had. I already had a solid foundation from the New York School of Burlesque and Jo Weldon. I had found my way into the local community. I had started to train up with my burlesque mom Perle Noire, and her life changing community.

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I focused more on my skills training, instead of my costuming and purchasing things that made me feel good, or that I thought would make others take me more seriously. I remembered that pretty costumes and expensive robes can always come later, and that the SKILLS I was learning would last me far longer than any piece of clothing or fancy prop. I listened as audience members complemented my movement, expression, and connection before they ever talked about my costume, and whether it was good or not.

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So the next time you find yourself scrolling, silently saying to yourself, “If I just had XYZ I could be better, or different, or like them.” Remember… no physical object will ever replace how you feel about you.

Skills last a lifetime, physical goods are temporary. You healing is worth more than any fancy robe or prop. And you can still make people feel something deeply, with just the right glance.
Don’t put yourself down, divas, kings, creatures and things.

Remember you are unique, and comparing yourself to others just won’t work, because you simply aren’t like anyone else. Now go shine that light today!

Sincerely,
Selina Starkillr

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​P.S. I am always open to hearing your thoughts and experiences in burlesque/drag/performance art. Hit reply and let me know your thoughts, struggles and questions. Yes it’s really me that reads the replies! :)

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